My Irrational Fear

This is where I reveal one of my innermost fears, and someone out there laughs at me for being childish or believing in that which is ‘unreal’.

I’m sitting here at 03:40 British Summer Time, waiting for lives on Candy Crush. Not because I’m addicted to the game but because I’m scared to sleep; it’s dark and all of my items of comfort are at my mother’s house, not at University with me.

I’m in a new house; it’s a flat in what used to be an old cotton mill. It’s very dark while the curtains in my room refuse to keep out any light. I’m back in the city; I haven’t been here for approximately four months. And now I can’t sleep.

I’m not scared of the dark per say, more of what or who could be hiding in it. And living in a building that used to be a cotton mill isn’t helping much. Oh I’m very comfortable during the day, it is a beautiful place to live, but it’s as soon as I go to drift of to sleep that my mind won’t shut off. I am a countryside girl at heart and no matter what happens I don’t think I am ever going to be able to give up that part of me. There are so many noises in the city, which are driving me around the twist.

I’m a light sleeper, and I can hear the loud footfalls of people two and three floors above me. Only my sleepy head won’t let me believe the logical.

There’s always a faint glimmer of light filtering into my room; it’s either the security light from outside, or there is a little green light which is the sensor for the security light. Along with those annoying me, they scaring the hell out of me as I turn over in my sleep. (Last year I had a single bed and I’m still in the habit of being in the first stages of waking when I need to shift in sleep. never really want to roll out of bed. The floor hurts.)

It’s freezing near my room if the heating has been left off; I live in one of the basement rooms of the flat. The features they boast does nothing for the cold and my fears. I watched far too many ghost hunting series as a child. I’d rather have complete darkness, than being able to see something. Some how I can manage at home, the only light I get is that of the stars, and the stars mean freedom. There are no stars in the inner city.

I want to be able to sleep peacefully, but can’t. I’m still adjusting to having my iPod on as I sleep; I’m thinking about picking up some cheap speakers. I’d rather sleep to music than the noises of the building adjusting which will scare the life from me. It’ll get better, it’s got to. I’m here until July next year.